Easter

So the Easter weekend was nice. Hubs and Me finally got back in sync with each other after a strange phase of getting on each other nerves. Who would have known we just needed to spend a weekend shooting it out on black ops! We both thought each other was very sexy killing folks.We are weird yes I know. LOL Ugh lifes a trip.

Anyways so most of you know I have quit smoking and it's been suprisingly very easy with my handy dandy patches. I mean I have had a couple of iritable days and little urges here and there but nothing I can't handle. Well I left work friday during lunch to go cash my check and run around a pay a few bills cause of the Easter Holiday and all I didn't know what was going to be closed. The traffic was SO SO bad. I'm driving in College Station going down Texas Ave and I have a very very slow person in front of me and a very pissed off person in back of me, which makes me nervous period. but the person in backs besides to go around me right in the same time the slow person decides to get out of our way. This truck completely slams on his breaks to avoid hitting the slow person and BAM someone rear ends the truck. I finally pass the slow car and see little old grandma just driving along doesn't even know what just happened...In my head I'm thinking these freaking people are crazy I'm going to pull over get some gas and get back to work these bills can wait. So I see Kroger and begin to turn in when the person in front of me turns into the lane that everyone leaving krogers gets in!!! Oh my gosh so ppl are honking and freakin out cause he can't figure out how to get out and I'm not moving cause the people behind me won't back up...so he finally gets through and we end up both headed for the gas station....This whole time I can feel my anixiety level rasing higher and higher. Pull up behind this big ass truck getting gas and wait for about 20 min till he fills that damn thing up and then he cant get out.......cause the gas thing in front has ppl who are in line the opposite way so he decides he is going to back up between me and the other people on the other side. HIS TRUCK GETS SO CLOSE TO MINE I JUST KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO HIT....and my anxiety attack hits me! I felt like I couldnt breathe, I'm scared, now I'm blocked in and can't move....I didnt even put gas I waited there for about 30 min until I could get out went home crying and called into work That I wasnt going back!! Jose finally got me calmed down we he got home from work but I still insisted on not leaving the house till the next day! Yesturday I forgot to put on my patch and really just had the urge to smoke after lunch and then that whole rest of the work day by the time I got home I WAS TIRED. I cooked dinner and passed out around 6:30 and slept until I had to get up the this morning for work and I so did not want to. But I got up in such a bad mood lol it was so ridiculous. And then about 9am I got sick!! Light headed, naused, hot flashes. I thought I was going to have to get Jose to come get me and take me to the hospital. I looked up the side effects of the patches and sure enough everything I was feeling was a symptom. Scared me half to death I riped that damn thing off my arm and threw it away. It even causes anxiety which would explain my little episode at Krogers. I just can't understand it it was working so great and then just this past week it affected me so bad. I have such a weird body geez. Anyways no more patches I hate taking all those meds they subscribe anyways. I mean they have a commerical they explain the drug and then the side effects may include cancer, heart attacks, cronic headaches, internal bleeding! Yeah your sinuses might be gone but your gonna have a damn heart attack in the next week or so. crazy fools. Thats why I am scared to take all that stuff cause you might be destroying your body you never know. From now on it's going to be cold turkey people better watch out because I am going to be such a bitch I already know.

A little bit of Easter Blues:
So I got home Saturday afternoon and when I pulled up I noticed a little purple Easter basket sitting next to my door. I knew who it was from,  my mom....It had some finger nail polish a little thing of body spray and a stuffed rabbit with some candy. It really melted my heart...I loved it! It was so sweet of her to think of me and give me a basket like I was still a little kid. But, you work next door to my house and you have never stopped by. I got my new lease in the mail that same day and relized I have almost been living there for a whole year and you dont even know what the inside of my house looks like. Shelley was down this wkend and called and invited me to go out to my moms....how could I? It doesnt feel the same anymore. It's just akward. Then she said well Larry isnt going to be there. Oh wow so he leaves and I come over like nothing ever happend. I just want to point this out! Okay all of you know that I forgive people like nothing I hardly ever stand up for myself but this is something that I won't back down from. Until she makes an effort to make things right again. Until she shows ME that she wants to be apart of my life. I am not going out of my way to fix things with her. Shelley and Jessica upset me because they are putting Oh had such a wonderful Easter...Really?? You know I am going to see that. But your gonna rub it in aren't you? and make me feel bad.They both bend over backwards so they can have her in their lives. I aint doing it. Anyways I don't see what is the big deal about my mother other than she is like a fun friend other than that I really don't see why people try so hard to get along with her. But whatever I was sad because I really didn't have a family to celebrate Easter with. I felt alone completely. It was just Jose, Peixin and me and Peixin wanted to go chat with her bf. It's my new life my own family I guess but it sure doesn't seem complete sometimes. I miss my family but I don't miss my mom always hurting my feelings and letting me down.