I Think It's Finally Gonna Happen

It been awhile since I posted but it has been pretty normal since my last post nothing to major to report as far as breaking news which is good. Things have progressed in the baby making because I officially took control of my infertility (as my BFF would put it) LOL and got myself on Clomid. If everything goes okay and it does what it is supposed to I should be pregant within the 3-4 mths range but there is always an "if" in anything so "if" it doesn't work then we should move up to a higher dose and try that. Of course I am hoping that that won't be the case but I am trying to stay positive. Key word is '"try" nobody said I would LOL I've pretty much picked back up on my smoking which is a shame cause I pretty much had that habit bet and I think I just got bored...That sounds crazy I know but it is SO true! Which pretty much I just screwed myself cause if I do get pregant I'm just going to have to stop again...no sence but that is pretty much me!! Right? lol I am going to start a little email address for the baby and send her pictures and messages kinda like a diary of everything we are doing to get ready for her/him, oh yeah and  it's gonna be a girl?!! I'm jk if it's healthy than I don't care it could be a green kid and I wouldn't care it would be mine! Clomid is making me feel weird with hot flashes that I was pre-warned about and then it's backed with some heavy emotions. So far I just feel like a wreck, unorganized and just need a little bit more quiet time. Everything just gets so hectic with work and Peixin and errans two day weekends are not enough. Before Peixin got here I was feeling really great I had all my ducks in a row and was enjoyin some down time and then all of a sudden that all went out the door. It's just one of those things I guess. I really just need to remind myself that the weekends need to be used for rest instead of running running running and use the week day for that. Anyways, I'm making myself tired talking about it. As far as the family goes, hubby is doing good. We just added a new car to the family is Nissian Versa!! He finally got rid of the buick and I was so happy cause now I don't feel bad about him driving the car I wrecked. So he is enjoying have a new car to and it looks good with him. The hubbys birthday was this weekends and he is SPOLIED and defently agrees we need a child because I bought cookie monster wrapping paper for his presents and I GUESS treated him like a child but whatever I got him a BIG pen to wear on his shirt that said BIRTHDAY BOY hehehe and a couple of other lil things and he got his underwear all in a twist, I thought it was funny. But I got him some shoes, clothes and two lowrider hats that he has been wanting ever since I can remember. He is right I do need a kid cause I am going to have SOO much fun!! Peixin has been alot more mature this year than last and has also been on her A game when it comes to school and applying to college. We actually have been able to spend some alone time just us girls this year and its been alot better. I have no clue where the time went last year when she was stayin with us but I didnt get anything that I had planned for us done. I regret alot of it becaue I only have one more school year with her and then thats it...she has mentioned staying another 2 years if she goes to a junior college but I don't see that happening, of course she is more than welcome but I know she will get into a great University. And the thought of her leaving forever just breaks a piece of my heart alittle. As far as hosting again I don't see it happening but I hope the oppurtunity comes back around in the future cause I really enjoy it. Nathan has started 2nd grade and it just full full full of energy and learning new things. Sometimes it suprises me on how much he actually does know and how much he has grown. We have had some behavor problems as far as lieing and not turning in his homework but for the most part, he is a really good kid. As far as work is going, we are getting ready for another busy season. alice is out for a month cause her husband is having back surgery so I am doing her work plus mine right now and its been tricky. I've had complaments and some nasty remarks which have pissed me off but I knew that was going to happen its normal so I just try and suck it up and not take it personal. However my boss did go a little far this morning and send everyone an email with my mistake and asked "what would you go if you saw this"....and of course the bitches all responded with their way of how they would handle it...UGH annoying! that kinda pissed me off but it was petty and I wasn't going to let it get to me. However, i did respond to my boss to let her know how it makes people feel when she does that...just because nobody likes that and she called it a way for us to learn but I don't think they should single out just one person like that and put them on blast to the whole office. Cause in this office EVERYONE makes mistakes and we all fix each others. It's just how we roll lol jk we aint cool like that but in a dream world we would all love each other and fix each others problems when we see it instead of sending emails and blind coping it to everybody LOL yes, they really do that!! That is such a waste of time I hate sending emails on every little thing its annoying, now some people just can't seem to get enough. On a happy note I have been learning alot and actually I have been giving myself lil pats on the back cause I know I'm doing a good job! I treat people really good and answer their questions and if I can't make sure I find someone who can. We have come up with a name for a girl and a boy. For a girl Jaedyn Renee and for a boy Noah...

Listening to a few of my favorites!!

And thats only a few! I love music

A Movie Night

Just got through watching this movie and I must say it was freaking crazy, I still am in shock. Have you seen it and what do you think?

A Change in the Air

Been awhile since I blogged and I really was just being lazy. lol After the move I think I wore myself completely out cause that whole wkend I was so weak and just did not want to do anything except sleep or stay inside and that's just not me. I have mostly everything put up and house is really nice and I love how it looks inside and out. The only problem is that I always get this real errie feeling like something is watching me it's really weird cause Jose has been feeling it too. It's when you climb up the stairs it's just like something is behind you or something. Idk....I really don't get to much into ghost but Jose belives in them 100% and says we need to bless the house soon. Kinda scary Anyways the place used to old doctors offices back in the day so...weird a co-worker told me that and I wish she wouldn't have. I guess I really don't worry about ghost and all that cause my main faith is in god and that is it. but anyways everything else has been good Jose got his first pay check from his new job and we were happy with it. His job is turning out to be good and he likes what he does and the people he works with and I couldn't be more happier for him. It's hard to find a good job and good people to work with, so good for him. Since the recent lost of a friend and Peixin going home I must say it has made me feel pretty lonely. I almost went to see my mom this past wkend but I'm still just not that exicted about it and scared I don't want it to be like before when I was always getting my feelings hurt. So it just kinda leaves me lost on what to do. I've kinda thrown myself out there more and made friends with a couple of new people some from the past that I reconnected with and some new ones. None of which haven't really hit home as far as a bestie goes lol but ya know they are pretty cool. The thing about all of it is you know they invite us over for dinner and idk I guess I'm just boring or antisocial but I just don't want to so that lol I mean it's always a bit akward for me tryin to make convo and sometimes I just get really embarrased, idk lol  I like hanging out with people I already feel comfortable with cause I know them...yeah I know I need to get over it if I want to meet new friends lol This wkend we both had a good time with Joses sister and it helped me to get together. We will never be tight like some sister in laws are but whatever shes cool sometimes.  We also had some disturbing news about Jose's mom, she has been on dialysis for almost one year and things are not getting better. From what I understand the medicines are now eating up her insides, the doctors have explained their concern and let us know we should now spend as much time as we possibly can with her. I am really scared for Jose because out of all the brothers and sister he has him and his mom are the closest, he is the baby and his mom just babys him like nobody buisness lol. It really breaks my heart for my husband because I know how much he loves his momma and for the whole family as well. It is going to be really hard for them and for even me because she was a great woman. Nothing is really new at work really it's been pretty slow and stuff but it's nice cause I just surf the internet all day=)....I take full advantage while I can lol I still haven't found any hobbies yet lol Me and Nathan went into the craft store this weekend to look around and idk what I want to do....lol just kinda left me more confused. I really didn't want to do any of it I am not interested in anything anymore. lol What is wrong with me the only thing I did end up enjoying all wkend was Donkey Kong lol Me and Nathan beat it all the way to world 3. lol Video Games wtf is wrong with me. lol ugh anyways I have been really interested with finda paintings, drawlings, or pictures people take. idk what I could do with that but I have been printing them off and keeping them in a little binder maybe to trace out or something..?? who knows. A pretty good friend of mine is opening up a business pretty soon (Hopefully) on doing birthday parties and she told me she could use the help and she would pay me so that could be a little fun and make a little money on the side. Kinda more her idea than mine but ya know these days I am just searching for something to do, wow I sound like a loser. lol I need a baby =( cept nothing has really happened on that...I haven't went to the doctor and I haven't really been keeping up with anything. Kinda sounds like I am being lazy don't it. huh, maybe I am just being really lazy. I do tend to be lazy lol for longer than I should, but you know this is the first time that things have been peacefully weird and it's kinda nice to be lazy. I think my life is alot different than most friends of mine probably would explain the whole feeling of feeling like we were on completely different pages all the time. Whatever it was or is I am so happy for Jose because I love him lots and he is my homie, lover and friend. Yeah we fight but we love just as hard and no matter what, we are going to be there for each other through thick and then.

Missing You

Today I am so sad because Peixin went home....I know everything is going to be okay and she will be back next year but it was so heart breaking to see her go. I just miss her that is it. It is so sad that when I ride to work in the morning by myself and it is so sad to not see her in her room. Her stuff is all gone from her room and it looks so bare and empty. I miss her. She was my responsiblility and I had to cook and clean for her and when I was upset or sad I made myself be happy around her so she wouldn't know and now it just feels like I have nothing to do. I don't have alot of people so the ones I do have I just hold onto so much and it just breaks my heart that she had to leave. This next year is going to be all about her and I don't give a crap if I spoil her to much or give her way too much time it's the last year I am going to have with her and I am going to make it the best! I didn't relize how much I loved her until she left on that plane. When we got into town from dropping her off I got me a pizza and box of chocolates and went straight home turned the air down put some jammies on and ate them in bed and watched Harry Potter, I am such a drama queen lol....I really needed to be up getting ready for the move but I just didnt have it in me.....Jose just let me chill and from the look on his face it was just the way he was feeling too........It's a sad time in the our House I'm glad for the move that place just isn't the same.....

Losing a Friend and 5th Day of Gratitude

Today I am thankful for friendship, it's a wonderful thing to have.....

A Reminder

Losing a friend is indeed something you will never desire. But the best thing is to carry on with your life and make newer friends. This is because life may take away something but it does give you something else in return. So, have patience and wait for better times to come. You may again find good friends who are likely to understand you much better than perhaps your old friends have ever done.

Me:

I lost a friend today over well, I don't know that I understand why but something just tells me that it was meant to be. I am still pretty upset and feeling a bit blue. I hate losing people. Once you are in my heart that person will always be there no matter even if they have stabbed it, that's just who I am. I really don't have much to blog about on this I just needed to tell what happened today thats it.....

This week it nothing but getting ready to move. I should be moving this wkend! Ready for the change hopeing this is a good move and no more problems. I am very very very tired of renting. The day I stop renting I am going to celebrate BIG! Started my period NOT pregant! Big suprise...NOT! Looks like it is back to marking the calendar and making doctor visits..yippee. Peixin is leaving this Thursday and not coming back till next school year...I'm just losing all my love...=( tear lol I'm still battling the red kool-aid stain in the room and I am praying with a friends steam cleaner I can get it up tonight! I bought me some really cute sandals this wkend at Ross and Shoe Carnival I'll post pics of them but I am getting ready for capris and painted toes...Really ready to go get my feet done =) I had a great lunch with friends this wkend it was so relaxing and just cool. I can always be myself around those girls and just relax. They are always honest no matter what and can make me laugh. The food was great and the margarita was better! It was just what I needed and I hope we can have many many more dates together. I am sure with the new status of me a certain person I can look forward to get my feelings hurt when it comes to lunch dates with the girls...=(  But life goes on and I just need to stay positve and keep going. Tommorrow is a new day!

4th Day of Gratitude

Today I am thankful for the weekends.......

I love friday night because that means no cooking for me!! We hardly ever do anything on friday night except order in and watch movies, play the wii or we might play a bored game but rarely.  I love it cause everyone takes a bath and we all get in our jammies and snuggle on the couch....Saturday mornings I love waking up to my hubby and just laying in bed that extra hour or so with him. I love how cold it is in the mornings and how my sheets and pillows feel. I am always in an extra sweet mood knowing I don't have anywhere to be!! I always get up and make coffee and Nathan will wake up not long after I do and turns the TV on for catroons or to play the wii. I usally try and keep it as quiet as possible cause I love it...There is something wonderful knowing the people you love are safe and asleep in their beds.  I always start a load of laundry and drink my coffee while Nathan watches his cartoons or plays the wii. Jose will usually get up and come sit with me and talk over coffee and then about 30 min or so here comes Peixin looking for coffee lol She usually joins in on the conversation with questions out the wazoo lol I hardly cook on the weekends or try to cook very little just cause I cook supper every night during the week so it's my break....We usally eat something easy like pancakes,waffles, eggs, or coffee bread in the am. Sometimes I run to McDonalds and great breakfast bisquits to eat. When we get motivated or when the coffee pot is empty lol we get dressed and leave to pay bills and gro shop. I usally drop Peixin off at the mall while we run around. Most of the time I really hate this part of the day cause of the traffic and running in and out of everywhere but it has to be done...and with me getting of everyday at 5 I only have one day to do everything. We finally make it home and I usually start cooking and cleaning the house a bit. It's just so relaxing being able to be with my family all day and taking care of them. I love it. Sundays are usually spent visiting and cleaning  Jose's mom house or taking a little ride for a picnic or just being lazy around the house. If we need to mow or clean the cars we usually do it on Sundays. I always try and make a big supper and attend Church but it doesn't happen as often as is should. However I love my wkends as boring and as old as I sound. I like being home and keeping my house clean and smelling good and taking care of my family.