Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Day 3 of Gratitude-Plus A Few New Pieces of Me
Today I am thankful for my Job and my husbands Job. There are alot of people right now that are still struggling to find a job. I am happy that we both have one to go to in the morning. Although I do wish the people I worked with were a bit nicer I manange to come every week for that pay check.
I took a test last night and it did come out negative which suprised me because I still am not on my period and today would make me exactly 5 days late which is unusal for me. I'm still hoping the test came out wrong....and I am still under direct order not to be moving anything while I am packing and moving during this week and next. We have one more week until we get into our new place and I have to say I am really ready at first I was so sad but these past couple of nights I have not been sleeping good in our room and just ready to be some place new. I think I am going to enjoy the convience care free living of apt living. The new place does have an upstairs which will take some getting used to but it does have two bathrooms that I am so happy to have one in my bedroom. Me and Hubs room have a really nice balconey with a sliding door in our room which will be nice for us. I like the idea of going upstairs to get away when I need to....the only thing that really bothers me ALOT is fire! We had a house fire and I was scared so much from it I refused to ever live in an upstairs but when it came around I really didn't have much choice.So looks like I gotta get rid of my fear.... Moving is probably going to be simple because we are throwing away most stuff and taking nothing. This next school year I am going to dig into redorating my house and all my hand me down furniture is getting tossed now. We might be sitting on table chairs for awhile but in time its gonna look great. I already have the ideas that I want for each room and the colors! For me there is nothing better than my house. I make it the way I want it for me to feel comfortable cause when I come home from work I want to come home and relax in a nice house. There is nothing better.....Peixin is going to be leaving next week and me and jose are taking off of work to drive her to the Houston Airport. Jose has really gotten attached to Peixin and doesn't want her to go. I think he is going to miss her alot. He asked me this morning how I felt about it and if I was going to be okay and by looking at his face I kinda knew he was talking about himself lol. It's going to be alittle depressing cause it's going to be lonely and quite with her gone. But I told him we really needed the break after such a ruff 1/2 of a year and with him working at a good job now I can really use this summer to relax and recharge the batteries. I have SO many projects that I never got around to doing to keep me busy this summer and with work being slow durning these months its really my time that I can do alot around the house. I have some art work that I really want to get up in my room or something and I really dont know how I am going to do that just yet and I really have some blankets that I want to sew together for Nathan and Jose so we will see. I also have a random list of DVD's and VHS ( yes I still love VHS) and books that I want to get from Amazon that I never got so I can make a personal little library for myself! I mean that is just some of the things I want to do for myself this summer and they are simple things that would just make my life nice I think. I have also found some really interesting blogs on here but most I already notice say they put it on priviate because sometimes people leave rude comments I guess. I was thinking maybe I would not make mine private so I can maybe meet some other ladies like me out there but I really don't want to deal with the hassle of rude comments and stupid people. However I was able to add a couple of pages that I thought for me was really interesting. I added two Italian ladies that post a new authentic dish everyday. I have to translate the recipes but the picutres are amazing and I love all the different varities of coffee breads, cookies and desserts. I really can't wait to be in the new place cause I'm gonna get down with it in the kitchen. I think it would give me peace inside to know something about where my roots are, even though I am half and we are Italian American lol Another page I found was a lady who draws these wonderful drawlings of Sci-fi animations. Although I am really not into that kind of thing I love the art, the colors and all she has done and I praise anyone for doing what they love. I also came across unique photography and so much more things.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
100 days of gratitude
So since I am the most negative person on the face of the earth I've decided to copy a cheerful blogger and post one thing I am thankful for everyday for 100 days. Truth be told I use my blog to bitch and it's ugly...
First things first it was my birthday this weekend I completely did not even want to get dressed up to go out and eat or nothing. So we ordered pizza and played the Wii friday night. All the ladies at work got me a cheese cake and I had some left over to enjoy with the family after our pizza. Nathan and Jose lit a candle and pulled the mattress to the living room for a sleep over them cause yall know I turned 4! LOL anyways it was just what the doc ordered cause I was so relaxed and chilled. And I was thankful to have had such a chill birthday cause lord knows I needed it....after that week.
Jose starts a new Job today! I couldnt be more thankful than that!! This job has 45 hours a wk plus overtime and monthly bonuses. Medical and all the works. SO I AM HAPPY!!!!
We signed a new lease on saturday at a local apt complex in Bryan. I am really going to miss my duplex so much I want to cry. I loved my yard and the location. The neighborhood was so quite and nice. With the trouble I was having with our current landlord I was so so THANKFUL to have found our new landlord. She is helping us out so much on the move in dates so I won't need to put my stuff in storage and then move again. I couldn't have been luckier to have found her at that time cause I was so stressed out. I hate moving it's so MUCH trouble and I move every year. ugh I can't wait to stop renting that will be the day!
I am also very thankful that I am now 3 days late....I kinda felt different with all the panic attacks I've had and there was actually 2 days awhile back where I slept from the time I got home from work until I got up and then again the next day...I was so tired and I thought it was because of my patches but now I am thinking maybe I could be pregant. The thought could not make me more happier but I also know that I have been so dissappointed so many times before so I'm scared to even say it but that's what I am thinking. Like I said we want it to be true SO MUCH so I hope it is right. I took two pregancy test this wkend and both came out with some error?? Isn't that weird it kinda scared me cause that's not an answer maybe it's too soon to tell so we are going to wait until the 18th if nothing I think there is a really good chance that I am. I guess just wait and see the story of my life...
Peixin is leaving for for the summer on the 26th, which I will say has been a day that I am ready for, in the nicest way possible. And I can say this because I feel she is my daughter. But lordy lordy she has teasted my sanity. This summer I will def. enjoy it to the last drop before she comes back. Although the house will not be the same and I will miss her so much...I truely can say I love her so much, we diffently have had a time getting to know each other. She is such good company and puts a certain joy in my heart that nobody else could. I'll miss our ride to school in the mornings and in the afternoons when we weren't racing to not be late lol! I won't miss soy sauce and your dirty room. I will miss saturday morning cartoonsoh my gosh Im cryin lol
I hope your ugly boyfriend drops dead so I won't need to worry about him next year. It sounds like I am writting her a letter. wow okay I need to do that before I embarrasses everyone at the airport that day. I wish it wasn't so many things going on this year cause I had so many stuff planned for us to do together but it was so weird how Peixin has fit into our family....I don't think I will be able to do this with another child again. She was a great addition.
Nathan will be with us the whole month of July. So I need to find something for him to do quick. I can't keep in the house or send him with Joses Mom I need to find some place, camp, sports or something to keep him busy. because that boy will drive me up a wall if he don't have ntohing to do. He reminds me of my dad hyper. He can not sit still and I mean ITS bad at one point this year he bit his nails to the bone and it's because to have something to do. When he is sleeping he grinds his teeth or moves his foot can't sit still not even in his sleep. So I want to keep him active. Everyone should see how cute he is, he is now wearing glasses. He's a doll. A hyder doll lol
First things first it was my birthday this weekend I completely did not even want to get dressed up to go out and eat or nothing. So we ordered pizza and played the Wii friday night. All the ladies at work got me a cheese cake and I had some left over to enjoy with the family after our pizza. Nathan and Jose lit a candle and pulled the mattress to the living room for a sleep over them cause yall know I turned 4! LOL anyways it was just what the doc ordered cause I was so relaxed and chilled. And I was thankful to have had such a chill birthday cause lord knows I needed it....after that week.
Jose starts a new Job today! I couldnt be more thankful than that!! This job has 45 hours a wk plus overtime and monthly bonuses. Medical and all the works. SO I AM HAPPY!!!!
We signed a new lease on saturday at a local apt complex in Bryan. I am really going to miss my duplex so much I want to cry. I loved my yard and the location. The neighborhood was so quite and nice. With the trouble I was having with our current landlord I was so so THANKFUL to have found our new landlord. She is helping us out so much on the move in dates so I won't need to put my stuff in storage and then move again. I couldn't have been luckier to have found her at that time cause I was so stressed out. I hate moving it's so MUCH trouble and I move every year. ugh I can't wait to stop renting that will be the day!
I am also very thankful that I am now 3 days late....I kinda felt different with all the panic attacks I've had and there was actually 2 days awhile back where I slept from the time I got home from work until I got up and then again the next day...I was so tired and I thought it was because of my patches but now I am thinking maybe I could be pregant. The thought could not make me more happier but I also know that I have been so dissappointed so many times before so I'm scared to even say it but that's what I am thinking. Like I said we want it to be true SO MUCH so I hope it is right. I took two pregancy test this wkend and both came out with some error?? Isn't that weird it kinda scared me cause that's not an answer maybe it's too soon to tell so we are going to wait until the 18th if nothing I think there is a really good chance that I am. I guess just wait and see the story of my life...
Peixin is leaving for for the summer on the 26th, which I will say has been a day that I am ready for, in the nicest way possible. And I can say this because I feel she is my daughter. But lordy lordy she has teasted my sanity. This summer I will def. enjoy it to the last drop before she comes back. Although the house will not be the same and I will miss her so much...I truely can say I love her so much, we diffently have had a time getting to know each other. She is such good company and puts a certain joy in my heart that nobody else could. I'll miss our ride to school in the mornings and in the afternoons when we weren't racing to not be late lol! I won't miss soy sauce and your dirty room. I will miss saturday morning cartoonsoh my gosh Im cryin lol
I hope your ugly boyfriend drops dead so I won't need to worry about him next year. It sounds like I am writting her a letter. wow okay I need to do that before I embarrasses everyone at the airport that day. I wish it wasn't so many things going on this year cause I had so many stuff planned for us to do together but it was so weird how Peixin has fit into our family....I don't think I will be able to do this with another child again. She was a great addition.
Nathan will be with us the whole month of July. So I need to find something for him to do quick. I can't keep in the house or send him with Joses Mom I need to find some place, camp, sports or something to keep him busy. because that boy will drive me up a wall if he don't have ntohing to do. He reminds me of my dad hyper. He can not sit still and I mean ITS bad at one point this year he bit his nails to the bone and it's because to have something to do. When he is sleeping he grinds his teeth or moves his foot can't sit still not even in his sleep. So I want to keep him active. Everyone should see how cute he is, he is now wearing glasses. He's a doll. A hyder doll lol
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Easter
So the Easter weekend was nice. Hubs and Me finally got back in sync with each other after a strange phase of getting on each other nerves. Who would have known we just needed to spend a weekend shooting it out on black ops! We both thought each other was very sexy killing folks.We are weird yes I know. LOL Ugh lifes a trip.
Anyways so most of you know I have quit smoking and it's been suprisingly very easy with my handy dandy patches. I mean I have had a couple of iritable days and little urges here and there but nothing I can't handle. Well I left work friday during lunch to go cash my check and run around a pay a few bills cause of the Easter Holiday and all I didn't know what was going to be closed. The traffic was SO SO bad. I'm driving in College Station going down Texas Ave and I have a very very slow person in front of me and a very pissed off person in back of me, which makes me nervous period. but the person in backs besides to go around me right in the same time the slow person decides to get out of our way. This truck completely slams on his breaks to avoid hitting the slow person and BAM someone rear ends the truck. I finally pass the slow car and see little old grandma just driving along doesn't even know what just happened...In my head I'm thinking these freaking people are crazy I'm going to pull over get some gas and get back to work these bills can wait. So I see Kroger and begin to turn in when the person in front of me turns into the lane that everyone leaving krogers gets in!!! Oh my gosh so ppl are honking and freakin out cause he can't figure out how to get out and I'm not moving cause the people behind me won't back up...so he finally gets through and we end up both headed for the gas station....This whole time I can feel my anixiety level rasing higher and higher. Pull up behind this big ass truck getting gas and wait for about 20 min till he fills that damn thing up and then he cant get out.......cause the gas thing in front has ppl who are in line the opposite way so he decides he is going to back up between me and the other people on the other side. HIS TRUCK GETS SO CLOSE TO MINE I JUST KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO HIT....and my anxiety attack hits me! I felt like I couldnt breathe, I'm scared, now I'm blocked in and can't move....I didnt even put gas I waited there for about 30 min until I could get out went home crying and called into work That I wasnt going back!! Jose finally got me calmed down we he got home from work but I still insisted on not leaving the house till the next day! Yesturday I forgot to put on my patch and really just had the urge to smoke after lunch and then that whole rest of the work day by the time I got home I WAS TIRED. I cooked dinner and passed out around 6:30 and slept until I had to get up the this morning for work and I so did not want to. But I got up in such a bad mood lol it was so ridiculous. And then about 9am I got sick!! Light headed, naused, hot flashes. I thought I was going to have to get Jose to come get me and take me to the hospital. I looked up the side effects of the patches and sure enough everything I was feeling was a symptom. Scared me half to death I riped that damn thing off my arm and threw it away. It even causes anxiety which would explain my little episode at Krogers. I just can't understand it it was working so great and then just this past week it affected me so bad. I have such a weird body geez. Anyways no more patches I hate taking all those meds they subscribe anyways. I mean they have a commerical they explain the drug and then the side effects may include cancer, heart attacks, cronic headaches, internal bleeding! Yeah your sinuses might be gone but your gonna have a damn heart attack in the next week or so. crazy fools. Thats why I am scared to take all that stuff cause you might be destroying your body you never know. From now on it's going to be cold turkey people better watch out because I am going to be such a bitch I already know.
A little bit of Easter Blues:
So I got home Saturday afternoon and when I pulled up I noticed a little purple Easter basket sitting next to my door. I knew who it was from, my mom....It had some finger nail polish a little thing of body spray and a stuffed rabbit with some candy. It really melted my heart...I loved it! It was so sweet of her to think of me and give me a basket like I was still a little kid. But, you work next door to my house and you have never stopped by. I got my new lease in the mail that same day and relized I have almost been living there for a whole year and you dont even know what the inside of my house looks like. Shelley was down this wkend and called and invited me to go out to my moms....how could I? It doesnt feel the same anymore. It's just akward. Then she said well Larry isnt going to be there. Oh wow so he leaves and I come over like nothing ever happend. I just want to point this out! Okay all of you know that I forgive people like nothing I hardly ever stand up for myself but this is something that I won't back down from. Until she makes an effort to make things right again. Until she shows ME that she wants to be apart of my life. I am not going out of my way to fix things with her. Shelley and Jessica upset me because they are putting Oh had such a wonderful Easter...Really?? You know I am going to see that. But your gonna rub it in aren't you? and make me feel bad.They both bend over backwards so they can have her in their lives. I aint doing it. Anyways I don't see what is the big deal about my mother other than she is like a fun friend other than that I really don't see why people try so hard to get along with her. But whatever I was sad because I really didn't have a family to celebrate Easter with. I felt alone completely. It was just Jose, Peixin and me and Peixin wanted to go chat with her bf. It's my new life my own family I guess but it sure doesn't seem complete sometimes. I miss my family but I don't miss my mom always hurting my feelings and letting me down.
Anyways so most of you know I have quit smoking and it's been suprisingly very easy with my handy dandy patches. I mean I have had a couple of iritable days and little urges here and there but nothing I can't handle. Well I left work friday during lunch to go cash my check and run around a pay a few bills cause of the Easter Holiday and all I didn't know what was going to be closed. The traffic was SO SO bad. I'm driving in College Station going down Texas Ave and I have a very very slow person in front of me and a very pissed off person in back of me, which makes me nervous period. but the person in backs besides to go around me right in the same time the slow person decides to get out of our way. This truck completely slams on his breaks to avoid hitting the slow person and BAM someone rear ends the truck. I finally pass the slow car and see little old grandma just driving along doesn't even know what just happened...In my head I'm thinking these freaking people are crazy I'm going to pull over get some gas and get back to work these bills can wait. So I see Kroger and begin to turn in when the person in front of me turns into the lane that everyone leaving krogers gets in!!! Oh my gosh so ppl are honking and freakin out cause he can't figure out how to get out and I'm not moving cause the people behind me won't back up...so he finally gets through and we end up both headed for the gas station....This whole time I can feel my anixiety level rasing higher and higher. Pull up behind this big ass truck getting gas and wait for about 20 min till he fills that damn thing up and then he cant get out.......cause the gas thing in front has ppl who are in line the opposite way so he decides he is going to back up between me and the other people on the other side. HIS TRUCK GETS SO CLOSE TO MINE I JUST KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO HIT....and my anxiety attack hits me! I felt like I couldnt breathe, I'm scared, now I'm blocked in and can't move....I didnt even put gas I waited there for about 30 min until I could get out went home crying and called into work That I wasnt going back!! Jose finally got me calmed down we he got home from work but I still insisted on not leaving the house till the next day! Yesturday I forgot to put on my patch and really just had the urge to smoke after lunch and then that whole rest of the work day by the time I got home I WAS TIRED. I cooked dinner and passed out around 6:30 and slept until I had to get up the this morning for work and I so did not want to. But I got up in such a bad mood lol it was so ridiculous. And then about 9am I got sick!! Light headed, naused, hot flashes. I thought I was going to have to get Jose to come get me and take me to the hospital. I looked up the side effects of the patches and sure enough everything I was feeling was a symptom. Scared me half to death I riped that damn thing off my arm and threw it away. It even causes anxiety which would explain my little episode at Krogers. I just can't understand it it was working so great and then just this past week it affected me so bad. I have such a weird body geez. Anyways no more patches I hate taking all those meds they subscribe anyways. I mean they have a commerical they explain the drug and then the side effects may include cancer, heart attacks, cronic headaches, internal bleeding! Yeah your sinuses might be gone but your gonna have a damn heart attack in the next week or so. crazy fools. Thats why I am scared to take all that stuff cause you might be destroying your body you never know. From now on it's going to be cold turkey people better watch out because I am going to be such a bitch I already know.
A little bit of Easter Blues:
So I got home Saturday afternoon and when I pulled up I noticed a little purple Easter basket sitting next to my door. I knew who it was from, my mom....It had some finger nail polish a little thing of body spray and a stuffed rabbit with some candy. It really melted my heart...I loved it! It was so sweet of her to think of me and give me a basket like I was still a little kid. But, you work next door to my house and you have never stopped by. I got my new lease in the mail that same day and relized I have almost been living there for a whole year and you dont even know what the inside of my house looks like. Shelley was down this wkend and called and invited me to go out to my moms....how could I? It doesnt feel the same anymore. It's just akward. Then she said well Larry isnt going to be there. Oh wow so he leaves and I come over like nothing ever happend. I just want to point this out! Okay all of you know that I forgive people like nothing I hardly ever stand up for myself but this is something that I won't back down from. Until she makes an effort to make things right again. Until she shows ME that she wants to be apart of my life. I am not going out of my way to fix things with her. Shelley and Jessica upset me because they are putting Oh had such a wonderful Easter...Really?? You know I am going to see that. But your gonna rub it in aren't you? and make me feel bad.They both bend over backwards so they can have her in their lives. I aint doing it. Anyways I don't see what is the big deal about my mother other than she is like a fun friend other than that I really don't see why people try so hard to get along with her. But whatever I was sad because I really didn't have a family to celebrate Easter with. I felt alone completely. It was just Jose, Peixin and me and Peixin wanted to go chat with her bf. It's my new life my own family I guess but it sure doesn't seem complete sometimes. I miss my family but I don't miss my mom always hurting my feelings and letting me down.
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